 [Blog] I Should Be So Lucky - Betting Tips For Wannabe MillionairesWritten by SE1blue on Wednesday, 7th Sep 2011 21:26 After another tough week at the coalface and with the Euromillions rolling over more times than Ryan Giggs at a family reunion, I decided to check out what chance I had of ever winning the big jackpot. A couple of clicks on the internet later I discovered that the odds are an amazing 76,275,360 to 1. After uncovering this piece of knowledge I was reminded of one of my favourite Jim Magilton quotes: “I was so down I could walk through a closed door with a top hat on." Winning the Euromillions had always been my ‘Plan B’; my route out of the endless 9-5 and my ticket to cocktails with supermodels in the Caribbean (of course, I’d invite my girlfriend). All you need is five numbers, two lucky stars and then one finger for your boss before making your way down to Thomas Cook and booking a trip to the Island of Honeys. So, it was time to look at Plan C. I was refusing to let ‘Operation Money Magnet’ hit the skids. After some intense (read booze-fuelled) research I found out that the odds of dating a supermodel are 88,000 to 1 and the odds of dating a millionaire are 215 to 1. These odds look even better when you consider that the chance of being killed by lightening is 2,320,000 to 1 and the possibility of drowning in your bathtub is 685,000 to 1. With a new zest for life and increased optimism I continued my education to find even better odds that could propel me to fame and fortune. Imagine my excitement when I discovered that at odds of only 250 to 1 my child could become a genius. Sadly, I don’t have children and when you consider that my best attributes are daydreaming and tea-drinking, I think the probability that I’m going to father the next Doogie Howser is slim. In fact, getting your hands on the good stuff (Ferraris, speedboats and Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders) is far more unlikely than the possibility of a whole load of bad stuff. At 13,200,000 to 1 I think I can rule out becoming an astronaut but haemorrhoids are a distinct possibility at 25/1. Being murdered has worryingly low odds at 18,000 to 1. However, whilst my next flight could be piloted by a drunk (117 to 1) he’s unlikely to slur the words “Please adopt the brace position†as the odds on him flying me into a snow-covered mountain are 354,319 to 1. Phew! When I found out that the likelihood of suffering a major illness has odds of less than 10 to 1, I started wondering what the point of getting out of bed was. And then I discovered that you have a 1 in 513,412 chance of falling off your mattress and dying. Maybe it was the alcohol but I was becoming a little anxious… but then again, I have a one in four chance of experiencing mental health problems. I turned to comfort eating but worried about the five in one chance of me becoming obese, and the 8 to 1 chance of getting food poisoning. I stared out the window at the foot of grass growing in the garden (you have a 3,623 to 1 chance of getting an injury mowing the lawn) and stroked my beard (there’s a 6,585 to 1 chance of an injury from shaving) and tried to come up with another plan. Moments later my girlfriend reminded me we still need to sort out our insurance policy and I remembered the 2 to 1 chance of getting away with murder… Here are this weeks tips: Draw doubles (another winner last week!) Wolves v Spurs QPR v Newcastle Win Accumulator Correct Score Prediction Blackpool 1 Ipswich Town 4 * Please remember, at all times, to gamble sensibly and safely and that the tips provided in this blog are not guaranteed winners and could lead you down the tricky path of murder and fraud. If you feel like you may have a problem, and are considering doing away with a loved one, perhaps read an Agatha Christie or speak to the moody guy who sits in the corner of the pub drinking alone. But most of all, good luck! Please report offensive, libellous or inappropriate posts by using the links provided.
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